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Hiding in Plain sight

Hiding, yet seen.

Camouflaged, yet fully naked.

Deceivingly obviously honest.

Exposed at all times, but never revealing.

I say apple but you hear pear.

I ask questions that don't need answering. 

Means to an end.

My words are full of my deepest possible truth and yet, they are very far removed.

I keep thinking about what you might want to hear and how i can say it.

I'm trying to be 'catchy' and witty and things you might be interested in.

This sounds like i am lying and plotting and planning.

I am , I am also not.

The inept ability of mine to socialize is making things tough.

I've read and seen enough to know.

But not enough to understand and replicate.

Small-talk to me is not simply that. It is always a grandiose talk.

It always forces me to over think, analyze and scheme. 

Replying to something you said al-natural is not within my skill set.

I use your words against you, but not in ill will.

I have to. There is currently no other way.

I still use my own words. My own thoughts. My own narrative.

I just adjust it based on the needs of others around me.

Based on your needs. On mine. On potentially ours?

I'm getting ahead of myself. Creating a story line that only exists in the stars.

How i wish i could pluck them off this dark and hollow canvas.

Force-feed them to my heart. Like stuffed goose liver.

You get the point.

I want to create what i want. What I need. What I so dearly desire.

Leaving my faith to an unknown force seems so fleeting.

Wasteful almost. 

Sometimes floating can be as invigorating as anything.

Other times steering makes more sense.

I am done letting the winds decide what path i take and how my story ends. 

I need to become the wind. Forceful yet delicate. 

I'm beginning to sound a bit removed.

This isn't about me. It is about you.

Us.

And yet. There is no us. There will never be an "us".

We were created in a fictitious mind.

Born from desire, lust and neglect.

Wishful thinking at its best.

Let's see where this leads for now. 

For now, that is all i wish for. 

A glimpse. A soft touch. A breath. 

Your breath. Your glimpse. Your touch.

If only you and me existed in the same world.

If only.
1.7.19 18:27
 
Letzte Einträge: wie wann und wie, Wouldnt it be nice, my dear friend, i want to love you, How does it feel to be desirable?, Zeit.


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