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Hiding in Plain sight
Hiding, yet seen.
Camouflaged, yet fully naked.
Deceivingly obviously honest.
Exposed at all times, but never revealing.
I say apple but you hear pear.
I ask questions that don't need answering.
Means to an end.
My words are full of my deepest possible truth and yet, they are very far removed.
I keep thinking about what you might want to hear and how i can say it.
I'm trying to be 'catchy' and witty and things you might be interested in.
This sounds like i am lying and plotting and planning.
I am , I am also not.
The inept ability of mine to socialize is making things tough.
I've read and seen enough to know.
But not enough to understand and replicate.
Small-talk to me is not simply that. It is always a grandiose talk.
It always forces me to over think, analyze and scheme.
Replying to something you said al-natural is not within my skill set.
I use your words against you, but not in ill will.
I have to. There is currently no other way.
I still use my own words. My own thoughts. My own narrative.
I just adjust it based on the needs of others around me.
Based on your needs. On mine. On potentially ours?
I'm getting ahead of myself. Creating a story line that only exists in the stars.
How i wish i could pluck them off this dark and hollow canvas.
Force-feed them to my heart. Like stuffed goose liver.
You get the point.
I want to create what i want. What I need. What I so dearly desire.
Leaving my faith to an unknown force seems so fleeting.
Sometimes floating can be as invigorating as anything.
Other times steering makes more sense.
I am done letting the winds decide what path i take and how my story ends.
I need to become the wind. Forceful yet delicate.
I'm beginning to sound a bit removed.
This isn't about me. It is about you.
And yet. There is no us. There will never be an "us".
We were created in a fictitious mind.
Born from desire, lust and neglect.
Wishful thinking at its best.
Let's see where this leads for now.
For now, that is all i wish for.
A glimpse. A soft touch. A breath.
Your breath. Your glimpse. Your touch.
If only you and me existed in the same world.
Letzte Einträge: wie wann und wie, Wouldnt it be nice, my dear friend, i want to love you, How does it feel to be desirable?, Zeit.
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